Here is a rough idea of what I’m like. I know how to eat healthily and how to keep active. I just don’t put the theory into practice much of the time. My fiance enjoys food too and it doesn’t take too much to persuade either of us to ditch the healthy stuff or to overeat. He’s better at the keeping active thing though having got into triathlons last year.
Here are some excerpts from another blog. I should maybe try to blog my successes more. I seem to favour the confessional which doesn’t actually seem to prevent me doing it again.
April 2009 – So according to boots the walking round shops earned 820 cals! Eating wasn’t very healthy – wholemeal scone from Lewis’ and coffee. More Coffee. Then home to 1l diet fizzy juice then M&S duck spring rolls, egg fried rice, chilli prawns and finished with 1/2 packet of Operetta Chocs. By the time I got home I was starving and very thirsty and it looks like I binged on paper/screen? However I had also bought a tuna cucumber roll and 2 bags of prawn crackers which didn’t get eaten and I managed to not eat the rest of the chocs. I just need to start reaching for more healthy stuff like water when I’m thirsty. 
August 2009 Day 78
I’ve been doing alot of thinking about all sorts of things. Currently weight is the highest it’s ever been and I’m sitting here post binge feeling too full and fed up. I got a scare recently when my engagement ring wouldn’t come off and then when it did come off it wouldn’t go back on again. I worried that it’ll be a fash to get the wedding band on at the ceremony. So if in some weird world I’m only able to lose weight from one body part I would pick that finger.
Anyway I can rationalise the binge in that I had left it took long to eat then made a good choice but had to go to the shop again as I’d forgotten to by something for Smurf to eat. Then I bought 2 meal deals. Yes 2. I ate one (the other for him) and then had the original sandwich from M&S, then the rest of a nutty eat natural bar, then some holiday chocolate, then some fizzy hard boiled sweets. Ye Gods! No wonder I feel crap.
The basic history is overeating and emotionally eating. I remember being told I was so tall and that growing girls need food. I remember when I was little being suddenly hungry and really enjoying food when it came. Then I remember putting on weight and adults commenting on it. (I stopped growing when I was 12 and have remained a very average 5’5″) I remember coveting when adults got ‘better’ food than us kids and when they got more and thinking when I’m an adult I’ll get that. At high school I remember coming home and eating because I didn’t think I could wait till tea and then would eat my tea. Then when I got to uni I lost several stones when I got ill for a while and then I was always walking or dancing. Then I remember deciding to eat to make myself unfanciable when I was 22. I had an admirer who I wasn’t interested in and despite telling him I wanted to make sure he wasn’t interested. Then after uni I remember eating because I was bored with work and I rewarded myself for persisting with it by eating what I liked.
Just writing these things down makes me feel quite sad that I did that to myself but also that this warped relationship was developing and embedding.
